There are hundreds… nay, I dare say MILLIONS of men out there that have had their lives completely ruined by their inability to ensure the woman they’re banging doesn’t end up having their child. Wait, no… that’s not right; millions of men have had their lives ruined because of children being born that they AREN’T EVEN RESPONSIBLE FOR. Damn gold digger broads!

At long last the DNA test came about and allowed us men to prove, once and for all, that little (insert lame kid name here) isn’t ours. And for Chris Rock, it’s saved him a bazillion dollars in child support and now he’s throwing the book at the digger that tried to pin the kid on him and taking her ass to court:

Chris Rock is not the father of Kali Bowyer’s 13-year-old son. In a statement, Rock and his wife, Malaak Compton-Rock, said, “After multiple lies, including that Chris refused to establish paternity and after finding out [Bowyer] has an extensive criminal record, we personally asked the court to help us establish paternity . . . Last week, it was concluded through DNA testing that Chris is not the fa ther.”

The couple plans to pursue “all legal remedies” against Bowyer and are asking her to give any money she made from the tabloids to Georgia charities for disadvantaged boys and girls. (our emphasis)

Woah, good on you Chris. Take that bitch to the cleaners and make it charitable while you do it. Doesn’t it just burn your ass to know that while you were dogging her, at least one other guy was and it was HIM that caused you all this strife? Damn. Oh well, at least you got away with your wallet intact and your rep saved. Nice work by the by.