Some lame medical clinic wants to save Lindsay Lohan’s life by running ads

September 26, 2007 | Filed Under Commentary, Lindsay Lohan

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don't die lindsay

Hey, Jugular. Pretty creative. And by creative, we mean lame. And by lame, we mean not even remotely “edgy” or whatever other buzzword you’re going for.

Now, if it said DON’T DIE HITLER or perhaps DON’T DIE AHMADNIDEDADNEHAJNIDAD or however the fuck his name is spelled… that might evoke the response you’re looking for.

Scott Lackey, Co-Founder/Strategic Director of Jugular, said “Our client, Canterbury Institute, has an outpatient medical approach to drug addiction that makes overnight ‘residential’ treatment centers unnecessary. Sadly, this is an age where rehab has become a revolving door.”

It’s also an age where boring ass ads like this one are a dime a dozen. Time to get a new creative director.

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downity.com, where have you been?

September 26, 2007 | Filed Under Commentary

yeah, yeah… we’re back. sorry about the break.

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A victim of our own popularity

September 9, 2007 | Filed Under Commentary

If you tried to access the site today… sorry about that. Our webhost nuked us before upgrading our account. We’re now on a new server which should help things!

We apologize for any inconvenience.

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We’re baaaaaaaaaack!

September 4, 2007 | Filed Under Commentary

If you’re reading this, then you’ve successfully reached downity.com at its new home! We’re now proudly (so far, top-notch lightning quick service!) hosted by Wirenine.

We’ll be back to the regularly scheduled news program in a few hours as we work out the kinks and be sure things are flying. But so far, so good.

Thanks for your continued readership and for sticking with us while we make the downity.com experience better for you!

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The Internet is mad at us?!

August 27, 2007 | Filed Under Commentary

Thanks for all of the emails regarding the site being completely pooched. It’s our host’s fault and we’re all over them to get this fixed pronto.

Please excuse the inconvenience until we’re back at 100%! Thanks!

Update: Aside from our translator being busted, we seem to be back at 100%. Please do email us at http://downity.com/contact/ should you find anything weird going on. Thanks!

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Seth Rogen bitchslapped his teachers in his high school yearbook writeup

August 22, 2007 | Filed Under Commentary, Seth Rogen

seth rogen is a genius

Either Seth Rogen has a time machine, or was a psychic in high school. Sure, he was in Freaks and Geeks back in the day and all that, but it’s almost as if he was prophetic about his future success and stardom. So, he laid the smack down on his teachers and on the useless schooling system in general in his yearbook writeup in his graduation year. In case you’re on an 80286 with a monochrome monitor and you can’t see the above picture, it says:

Of the seventeen some off years I’ve been alive, twelve of them have been spent doing schooling. That’s about 71% of my life dedicated to learning a bunch of stuff that I will probably never use. Ever since I started earning more than my own teachers, everything kind of fell into perspective. If you do what you want instead of what other people tell you to do, things will probably work out better, and if they don’t you’ll at least know that you tried. I am accepting of the fact that I may very well never have another job and in time may have to burn this very yearbook to keep warm, however, right now, if feelin’ good were a train, I’d be the engineer. ALL ABOARD, BABY!

It’s uncanny, coming from a high school grad. The man is a fucking genius. Let’s repeat the most important part just so it gets into your head:

If you do what you want instead of what other people tell you to do, things will probably work out better, and if they don’t you’ll at least know that you tried.

Not sure about you, dear reader, but anyone we look at seems to tell the same story: Aside from the basics (math, reading, writing, etc.) most of school is an absolutely useless system seemingly there to guide you into dumping $50,000 – $250,000 on a University education so you’ll be pretty much forced to get a “career” so that you can pay back the money. Oh and while you’re there, here, have a mortgage, so you’re stuck with your “career” for the next 25 years. Maybe a car and a shitload of other useless junk that you’ll accumulate as you try to shore up your miserable life with a bunch of consumer goods you neither need or really want. Thanks for the taxes, and enjoy your life of buying miscellaneous crap and trying to find happiness.

SETH: You’re a genius now, you were a genius then.

Pic From ONTD

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Unsurprisingly, Don Imus gets a fat check for millions and is heading back to radio

August 15, 2007 | Filed Under Commentary

don imus is a piece of crap

Clearly it’s no giant issue for a radio host to be calling anyone (or everyone) pretty much whatever they want. In a completely bullshit move, CBS settled with Don Imus today for millions, and he’s returning to radio. From Variety:

Radio host Don Imus has reached a multimillion-dollar settlement with CBS and is in talks to return to radio, possibly at New York’s WABC-AM, which airs conservative talkers Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh.
Settlement averts a threatened $120 million lawsuit and sets the stage for the resumption of Imus’ broadcasting career, derailed in April when he referred to the Rutgers U. women’s basketball team as “nappy-headed hos.”

CBS dismissed Imus in the wake of the comments and amid a broad advertiser revolt against the show, which aired on CBS’ WFAN-FM and was simulcast on MSNBC as “Imus in the Morning.”

Terms were not disclosed, but sources characterized the settlement as a fraction of Imus’ $40 million annual salary. Imus had reupped with CBS in a five-year contract just before the incident.

Great! More nappy-headed-ho talk on the radio from some old white dude. It’s a wonder that he’s not riding to work in a rickshaw from his house on the plantation.

HEY CBS: Why don’t you give me a job? If you’d like, I can trash talk anyone you want and even throw in some racism if the settlement check is going to be large enough.

This is totally fucked. Imus is a racist asshole and shouldn’t be getting multi-million dollar checks cut to him. But I guess that’s how CBS rolls.

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Merv Griffin has passed away at age 82. It’s a sad day for the world

August 12, 2007 | Filed Under Commentary

merv griffin dies at 82

I’m not sure there’s a North American household that hasn’t been touched in some sort of positive way by the legendary Merv Griffin, who sadly passed away today at age 82. Merv passed due to a revisit from prostate cancer, which he developed and then beat about 10 years ago.

From singing, to hosting a talk show, to owning hotels and of course, producing much-beloved TV game shows Merv Griffin was a legend in many different respects:

Griffin’s first success came from singing the 1950 novelty hit “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts,” and he spent 23 years hosting a talk show that bore his name. For years it was the most successful syndicated U.S. television program.

Griffin owned 17 hotels at his peak, according to Rolling Stone magazine, as well as casinos in Atlantic City, New Jersey, and the Bahamas. “If it’s not broke, fix it anyway,” he once said.

Griffin’s fortune eventually reached an estimated $1 billion as he acquired luxury hotels and casinos and sold his television production company. At one point Griffin’s talk show aired opposite Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show,” but it lost the ratings battle and was canceled after two years.

In “Jeopardy” and “Wheel of Fortune,” Griffin created two enduringly popular fixtures of U.S. television. Building on an interest in puzzles dating to childhood, he came up with the concept for “Jeopardy,” in which contestants are given an answer and have to provide the question, in the early 1960s.

Thank you very much Merv, for all you’ve done to enrich the lives of millions of TV viewers around the world. Rest in peace!

(source)

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