Hey, Jugular. Pretty creative. And by creative, we mean lame. And by lame, we mean not even remotely “edgy” or whatever other buzzword you’re going for.

Now, if it said DON’T DIE HITLER or perhaps DON’T DIE AHMADNIDEDADNEHAJNIDAD or however the fuck his name is spelled… that might evoke the response you’re looking for.

Scott Lackey, Co-Founder/Strategic Director of Jugular, said “Our client, Canterbury Institute, has an outpatient medical approach to drug addiction that makes overnight ‘residential’ treatment centers unnecessary. Sadly, this is an age where rehab has become a revolving door.”

It’s also an age where boring ass ads like this one are a dime a dozen. Time to get a new creative director.

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Either Seth Rogen has a time machine, or was a psychic in high school. Sure, he was in Freaks and Geeks back in the day and all that, but it’s almost as if he was prophetic about his future success and stardom. So, he laid the smack down on his teachers and on the useless schooling system in general in his yearbook writeup in his graduation year. In case you’re on an 80286 with a monochrome monitor and you can’t see the above picture, it says:

Of the seventeen some off years I’ve been alive, twelve of them have been spent doing schooling. That’s about 71% of my life dedicated to learning a bunch of stuff that I will probably never use. Ever since I started earning more than my own teachers, everything kind of fell into perspective. If you do what you want instead of what other people tell you to do, things will probably work out better, and if they don’t you’ll at least know that you tried. I am accepting of the fact that I may very well never have another job and in time may have to burn this very yearbook to keep warm, however, right now, if feelin’ good were a train, I’d be the engineer. ALL ABOARD, BABY!

It’s uncanny, coming from a high school grad. The man is a fucking genius. Let’s repeat the most important part just so it gets into your head:

If you do what you want instead of what other people tell you to do, things will probably work out better, and if they don’t you’ll at least know that you tried.

Not sure about you, dear reader, but anyone we look at seems to tell the same story: Aside from the basics (math, reading, writing, etc.) most of school is an absolutely useless system seemingly there to guide you into dumping $50,000 – $250,000 on a University education so you’ll be pretty much forced to get a “career” so that you can pay back the money. Oh and while you’re there, here, have a mortgage, so you’re stuck with your “career” for the next 25 years. Maybe a car and a shitload of other useless junk that you’ll accumulate as you try to shore up your miserable life with a bunch of consumer goods you neither need or really want. Thanks for the taxes, and enjoy your life of buying miscellaneous crap and trying to find happiness.

SETH: You’re a genius now, you were a genius then.

Pic From ONTD

Clearly it’s no giant issue for a radio host to be calling anyone (or everyone) pretty much whatever they want. In a completely bullshit move, CBS settled with Don Imus today for millions, and he’s returning to radio. From Variety:

Radio host Don Imus has reached a multimillion-dollar settlement with CBS and is in talks to return to radio, possibly at New York’s WABC-AM, which airs conservative talkers Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh.
Settlement averts a threatened $120 million lawsuit and sets the stage for the resumption of Imus’ broadcasting career, derailed in April when he referred to the Rutgers U. women’s basketball team as “nappy-headed hos.”

CBS dismissed Imus in the wake of the comments and amid a broad advertiser revolt against the show, which aired on CBS’ WFAN-FM and was simulcast on MSNBC as “Imus in the Morning.”

Terms were not disclosed, but sources characterized the settlement as a fraction of Imus’ $40 million annual salary. Imus had reupped with CBS in a five-year contract just before the incident.

Great! More nappy-headed-ho talk on the radio from some old white dude. It’s a wonder that he’s not riding to work in a rickshaw from his house on the plantation.

HEY CBS: Why don’t you give me a job? If you’d like, I can trash talk anyone you want and even throw in some racism if the settlement check is going to be large enough.

This is totally fucked. Imus is a racist asshole and shouldn’t be getting multi-million dollar checks cut to him. But I guess that’s how CBS rolls.

I’m not sure there’s a North American household that hasn’t been touched in some sort of positive way by the legendary Merv Griffin, who sadly passed away today at age 82. Merv passed due to a revisit from prostate cancer, which he developed and then beat about 10 years ago.

From singing, to hosting a talk show, to owning hotels and of course, producing much-beloved TV game shows Merv Griffin was a legend in many different respects:

Griffin’s first success came from singing the 1950 novelty hit “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts,” and he spent 23 years hosting a talk show that bore his name. For years it was the most successful syndicated U.S. television program.

Griffin owned 17 hotels at his peak, according to Rolling Stone magazine, as well as casinos in Atlantic City, New Jersey, and the Bahamas. “If it’s not broke, fix it anyway,” he once said.

Griffin’s fortune eventually reached an estimated $1 billion as he acquired luxury hotels and casinos and sold his television production company. At one point Griffin’s talk show aired opposite Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show,” but it lost the ratings battle and was canceled after two years.

In “Jeopardy” and “Wheel of Fortune,” Griffin created two enduringly popular fixtures of U.S. television. Building on an interest in puzzles dating to childhood, he came up with the concept for “Jeopardy,” in which contestants are given an answer and have to provide the question, in the early 1960s.

Thank you very much Merv, for all you’ve done to enrich the lives of millions of TV viewers around the world. Rest in peace!

(source)

Welcome to post 300! GLAAD has produced a study that unfortunately paints the picture we were all afraid of: prime-time television isn’t gay enough:

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) has given the Walt Disney Co.-owned network the highest marks of any of the five major broadcast networks in the group’s first-ever report rating depictions of gay, lesbian and transgender characters and issues on prime-time TV.

The study assigned grades of “excellent,” “good,” “fair” or “failing” based on the number of “impressions,” or occurrences, of gay characters, discussions or themes counted during 4,693 hours of programming examined from June 2006 through May 2007.

No network was rated as excellent. But ABC received a grade of “good” with 171 hours of gay-inclusive TV last season, accounting for 15 percent of its prime-time programming.

ABC shows also featured more regular characters who are gay, lesbian or transgender than any of its rival broadcasters, led by the first-season series, “Ugly Betty” and “Brothers & Sisters,” according to the study, released on Monday.

The character of Betty’s office cohort, Marc, played by Michael Urie, was depicted as coming out to his intolerant mother, while Alexis, played by Rebecca Romijn, was revealed to have once been Alex — making her the first series regular transgender on a network comedy, GLAAD said.

“Overall, the approach that ABC takes … can serve as a best-practice model,” the study found.

GLAAD said networks and their advertisers stood to gain from more gay-friendly programming, as the gay community is generally more affluent, highly educated and brand-conscious than the population at large.

There you have it. Great to hear that they consider “Ugly Betty” transgendered. Last we checked she was a woman, albeit a rather hideous one.

Does anyone actually think that Jimmy Fallon is funny? This guy is pretty much the reason that I stopped watching Saturday Night Live. I can’t stand him (or the rest of the cast, actually) so I don’t watch. Simple.

But now, NBC is looking to move Fallon into Conan’s chair on Late Night once Conan moves into hosting the Tonight Show in 2009:

NBC has targeted Jimmy Fallon to replace Conan O�Brien in 2009, according to people familiar with the talks.

Fallon is NBC�s favorite to take over from O�Brien, who currently hosts Late Night With Conan O�Brien after The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.

NBC late-night chief Rick Ludwin says he doesn�t expect to make an announcement until sometime after the first of the year, but he confirmed that Fallon is on the top of the network�s list.

�I think he�d be terrific, and he is at the top of our short list,� Ludwin says.

HEY SHITHEAD! Time to get a longer list. And move Fallon from the top to say… the middle. What the fuck are you thinking not going after Jimmy Kimmel? The guy is a rising star and he’s getting better at hosting late night shows. He’d be much better than Fallon.

Oh, the article had one more awesome note:

If NBC keeps Leno at 11:35, it must pay O�Brien a penalty in the neighborhood of $45 million and know he will then jump to another network, most likely ABC or Fox, which want in on the late-night race.

Can you imagine Conan O’Brien with $45 million? We’ll have life-sized Triumphs running around, massive robots shooting peanut butter at people… all sorts of whack shit. There’s no way he’d spend that on anything but funny shit.

NBC: DON’T DESTROY LATE NIGHT BY MAKING JIMMY FALLON THE HOST