Folks, us here at downity.com have tried to figure out what side we’re on in this silly situation. Eddie Murphy is the DNA-test-confirmed baby daddy to Mel B’s baby, yet he seems to want to deny this and move on with life like he isn’t attracting the vilification of people everywhere who hate the “deadbeat dad”. Mel B, on the other hand, is going batshit crazy trying to get Eddie to recognize her and the bastard child (hey, it’s technically accurate) by pretty much pulling out all the stops:

First, she files suit on the guy:

Melanie Brown, aka “Scary Spice,” and her lawyer Gloria Allred stepped out for a press conference on Wednesday accusing Eddie Murphy of not doing “the right thing” in regard to Brown’s baby.

Allred, who claims that Murphy “has not paid one penny of child support” for the former couple’s daughter, said she plans to ask the court to award child support and “to decide what is reasonable.”

Allred said she’s filed a paternity suit against Murphy to legally establish that he is the father of their nearly 4-month-old daughter, Angel Iris Murphy Brown. “We’ve had communication with his attorney, and now we’re moving forward,” she said, adding that the papers are sealed because they concern a child.

Now, she’s hanging out with Eddie’s other ex Nicole Murphy, bringing the whole gaggle of Eddie’s kids along for the ride to meet up with each other:

Joining the two women were daughters Angel Iris, Brown’s 4-month-old, and 5-year-old Bella Zahra, Murphy’s youngest child with Nicole.

“They seemed really friendly toward one another,” says an onlooker of the pair, who wore curve-hugging dresses and posed for cameras outside. “They had a pretty private meal in the back corner, away from all of us.”

What a big, happy, fatherless family! So, it’s tough to figure out what side to be on here. Morally of course you want to support Mel B – I mean he did father the child and for that he does owe his share of responsibility. But I’m sure there’s other ways that she can get that share (i.e. just file suit and shut the fuck up) without going all stalker haywire and having her publicist call the press when she goes out for lunch with Eddie’s ex-wife. Mel has an impending Spice Girls tour to deal with; perhaps this is just her way of helping along the publicity.

It would seem that having an illegitimate child with Eddie Murphy is a fantastic way to score yourself 15 more minutes of fame. Who knows… maybe he’ll cave and admit it and this will be over or maybe he’ll just say fuck it, move to Haiti, give away all his money and live life as a voodoo witch doctor. There’s always options. Now someone find us the other Murphy (Charlie Murphy, not Murphy Brown) and find out what his funny ass is up to.

Eddie, bro… if you knock a woman up, at least have the balls to admit to it. We know, you have 5 kids to feed already and I’m sure that’s a load, but you can’t go humping around without taking responsibility for your wang, dude!

TMZ (and others, but TMZ is cooler) obtained a copy of Iris-Angel Murphy Brown’s birth certificate (I know, Candace Bergen must be PISSED) and sure enough, the kid officially has Murphy as a last name. Although… the “father” spot has been left blank.

Good luck sorting this one out kiddies! Here’s some scans of an article from OK that Mel B did after the birth. More after the jizzump!