In what comes as ABSOLUTELY NO SURPRISE to me, today we at DownityCentral (ok, so “DownityCentral” is more like “MacBook on the coffee table in a 27 foot Airstream in a shitty trailer park”) have received reports that confirm that Scott Baio is a couchfucker. No joke, he mistook a couch for a cooch:

Here’s Scott’s account of his first time. “A friend’s apartment. First time…we’re on a couch that is corduroy, and I’m thinking this is really uncomfortable. This is not feeling good at all. And…and I mistook the couch for her. I was making love to a couch. Then all the sudden I found the mark…etc etc..”

In case you had forgotten, Chachi is the subject of a VH1 reality show which pairs him up with a life coach who tells him to take a two-month vow of celibacy, among other things. I’d have shot the bitch just for suggesting it – but since Scotty boy is “45 and Single”, it’s probably no stretch to make it 2 months. Lame.

Since I have no clue how old the three readers of this blog are, I have no idea if you were around to know who Scott Baio is. You can trust me when I tell you that while I don’t know him personally, he seems like a douche. (Scott – if you’re reading this… call me for lunch!)

Well, douche boy is now sinking to a WHOLE new level of “help my career fucking sucks!” – by starring in a VH1 Reality Show. Seriously. check it:

With nowhere else to turn, Scott has decided to fully surrender the next eight weeks of his life to a highly-regarded life-coach. This person will guide him on a grueling, soul-searching mission; forcing him to confront a laundry list of old flames in order to hopefully get to the heart of his lonely heart condition.

Each episode, he will have to confront another chapter from his semi-sordid past, by actually reconnecting with some of his most substantial and combustible flames in order to get the bottom of his bad-boy behavior.

With the help of his long-time pals, Scott will be able to successfully sift through the wreckage of his past, and endure an assortment of life-altering activities, (including abstinence), in order to finally earn the chance at actually maintaining a meaningful, stable, healthy relationship.

Good luck with the abstinence. OH WAIT, NOTHING’S CHANGING THERE EH?

Actually… that’s a dumb thing for me to say. I’m sure there’s lots of 50+ ladies out there that just LOOOOVE watching reruns of him in Happy Days and whatever other shitty shows he was in. Wasn’t Scott Baio in “Who’s The Boss?” Screw it I have no idea. The next post will contain gratuitous titties to make up for this disaster.