NBC is feeling the heat of only having Heroes to draw viewers all damn week so they’re bringing back the David Hasselhoff early 80s powerhouse Knight Rider. From Variety:

NBC is bringing back “Knight Rider,” tapping Doug Liman to produce a “Transformers”-inspired reworking of the 1980s hit action-drama series about a man and his indestructible supercar.

Peacock is readying a two-hour backdoor pilot for the project, with tentative plans to air it as a telepic later this season. Liman is open to the idea of directing, assuming his feature sked allows. If the telepic clicks, a new-model “Knight Rider” could be on the air as early as next fall.

Dave Andron (“Raines”) is writing the pilot script and will serve as supervising producer alongside exec producers Liman and Dave Bartis (“The O.C.,” “Heist”) for Universal Media Studios and Dutch Oven Prods.

Success of “Transformers” had a role in inspiring NBC Entertainment chief Ben Silverman’s decision to revive “Knight.” The thinking is that smallscreen f/x have advanced to the point where it’d be feasible to have a weekly series in which cars shift shapes.

It’s also likely the new show will explore the idea of “evil” cars to offset the heroic talking K.I.T.T. car of the original skein, which starred David Hasselhoff. That said, skein is expected to essentially remain focused on the story of a single man fighting for justice with the help of his superadvanced car.

There’s also huge potential for advertiser integration. General Motors was all over “Transformers,” and it’s easy to see NBC striking a rich deal with a single automaker to serve as the exclusive auto brand for the new “Knight.” It’s understood preliminary talks have already begun.

Peacock is also veering from current conventional wisdom by moving forward with a telepic/backdoor pilot for “Knight.” Nets rarely produce telepics with an eye on turning them into series anymore, in part because the telepic has essentially disappeared from the broadcast network scene.

But NBC execs no doubt feel “Knight Rider” is enough of a pre-sold brand to lure an audience. What’s more, the telepic could serve as a good replacement for repeats come spring, perhaps replacing an encore of “Heroes” or “Bionic Woman.”

“Knight” originally aired on NBC from 1982 until 1986, with Hasselhoff playing smooth crimefighter Michael Knight. A spinoff skein, “Team Knight Rider,” aired in syndication during the 1997-98 season.

This is going to suck, just like most things NBC-related these days. Continue the decline of the stoned peacock…

Todd Herzog, Survivor: China‘s openly gay Mormon has been drawing himself some headlines questioning his gayness, his Mormonness… pretty much everything. Check out this from the SLTrib:

The 22-year-old former UVSC student also lists “drinking coffee” as a hobby, which, along with the “openly gay” thing, makes me wonder how Mormon he really is. Can Mormonism be a pose or a gimmick, tried on like a costume to titillate TV casting directors? Oooh, you’re gay AND Mormon? How deliciously conflicted! You’re hired! And is “gay Mormon” becoming a Hollywood cliché?

Herzog isn’t the first openly gay LDS castaway on “Survivor.” In 2005, Salt Lake City-born Rafe Judkins made it to the final three of that season’s “Survivor: Guatemala.” Judkins approached the show with sincerity and a positive attitude, traits he attributed in part to his Mormon faith. Herzog claims to have a similarly enthusiastic outlook, although it’s not clear whether that stems from his religion or his excitement over the upcoming Spice Girls reunion tour, which he calls “the most significant historical event of the past 100 years.”

If Herzog has any such internal struggle, he’s not saying. But “Survivor’s” producers are only too happy to create some external fireworks. Was it just a coincidence they stuck Todd on the Fei Long tribe with Leslie, a Christian radio-show host? I don’t think so.

Wow, dude. You can gay up Survivor all you want but what the hell kind of shit are you smoking to think that the Spice Girls’ tour is “the most significant historical event of the past 100 years”?? Are you forgetting key moments like the birth of Hayden Panettiere, Pee-Wee Herman‘s arrest for jacking off in a movie theater… shit, we could go on.

Seems that this Todd guy is trying just a bit too hard. However, we’re not watching Survivor so we don’t really give a shit. But you might.

Call us blind, stupid, out-of-touch, whatever… how did we miss that Spaceballs is coming to G4 this fall in an animated series?!?!

The trailer is above. It’s short, it’s sweet, and we’re absoooooooooofuckinglutely psyched to see this. It already kicks ass and we’ve only seen 10 seconds of trailer.

ROCK ON G4!!

Tila Tequila, known only for becoming famous on Myspace by being an Asian chick with fake tits, graduating to Playboy and then releasing a pathetic music album has now been green-lighted for her own bisexual dating show on MTV.

Wait a minute, WHAT THE FUCK?! From Reuters:

MTV’s “A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila” will feature the bisexual MySpace phenomenon choosing from among both male and female suitors.

MTV has greenlighted 10 episodes of the reality series, which is set to premiere at 10 p.m. October 9.

Tequila, who is said to be the most popular girl in the history of MySpace, will choose from among 16 straight guys and 16 lesbians, who will move into her mansion. Every episode will end with an elimination ceremony.

“The show is a roller-coaster ride of drama, conflict and emotion, busting stereotypes and challenging the norm,” said Tony DiSanto, executive vp series development and programming at MTV.

You have got to be kidding me. Couldn’t you have found a better looking bisexual slut than Tila Tequila? I guess that 15-year-old-masturbating-boy demographic was just too much to pass up. Axe Body Spray has probably bought 35% of the advertising on the show already.

So… 16 guys, 16 chicks… all vying for Tila’s affection. Since this is MTV we’re predicting that at least 4 of the contestants hook up and we’re not making any bets on guy/guy, guy/girl, girl/girl, tila/horse, etc.

Tune in October 9th, if your life is lame enough to bother.

Here’s a sweet 6 minute montage of bloopers from season three of The Office. Enjoy.

If you’re a fan of the hilarious washed-up-celebrity-trainwreck that is Dancing With the Stars, then you’ll be someone who cares about the season five cast. Here they are:

Wayne Newton (pictured above)
Floyd Mayweather Jr. (the boxer)
Mark Cuban (Broadcast.com entrepreneur, owner of the Dallas Mavericks)
Melanie Brown (Yeah, the bisexual muff diver one, from the Spice Girls)
Sabrina Bryan (from some shitty show on the Disney Channel)
Helio Castroneves (the Indy 500 champion)
Jennie Garth (uh hello… Beverly Hills 90210!!)
Josie Maran (the model)
Cameron Mathison (from All My Children)
Marie Osmond (sister of Donny!)
Albert Reed (some model)
Jane Seymour (call me Kittykat…)

Isn’t that a doozy. Congrats to those of you that watch this crap, it seems like it would be a fun cast. Not that us here at downity would ever consider watching DWTS. Who can tolerate that lame shit?

Well, gotta run. We’re off to watch The Hills.

In this installment (Part V) of Decline of the Stoned Peacock we are wondering what the hell NBC is thinking resurrecting American Gladiators for the midseason. From Variety:

The competition skein — which featured players with names like Nitro, Turbo and Laser in its campy, early ’90s syndie incarnation — will be updated for the 21st century with new technology and twists. MGM TV, which was behind the original hit, is producing along with Reveille.

Peacock’s interest in the revival actually predates the arrival of NBC Entertainment/Universal Media Studios co-chairman Ben Silverman, who began developing the project while still in charge of Reveille. Net confirmed last month that “Gladiator” was a priority at the net (Daily Variety, July 16).

“We’ve been circling around this property for a long time now,” said Craig Plestis, exec VP of alternative programming, development and specials at NBC Entertainment. “It’s truly what’s not in the TV landscape right now. While everyone’s zigging, I’m attracted to doing a zag.”

“We’re not going to completely reinvent the wheel here,” he said. “But we’re making it better, faster and stronger.”

Show will follow eight gladiators — four men and four women — as they take on contestants both male and female. This time, in a new wrinkle, the players will be given the opportunity to train for their match — and viewers will be given a glimpse of their personalities prior to the actual competish.

Are you wondering “What the fuck are those clowns at NBC thinking THIS time?!?!” Well, here’s your answer: They’re lacking creative talent. Check this quote from MGM Worldwide TV co-president Jim Packer:

MGM Worldwide TV co-prexy Jim Packer said reviving “Gladiators” was part of a strategy to mine the company’s library and revive franchises for a new generation of TV viewers. Repeats of the original show are currently posting decent ratings on ESPN Classic, he noted.

First of all, when you’re broadcast network NBC and you’re comparing yourself with fucking ESPN Classic, you’ve got major problems. And without mincing words Packer pretty much says “We’ve got nothing new but Heroes and some other lame shit so we need to mine the back catalog for anything that might draw some ratings.”

Good fucking luck, NBC. This Silverman guy is either going to end up a total genius or out on his ass verrrrrrry fast.

Wednesday, August 22
8:00 p.m. FOX “Anchorwoman” (Guess I should have sent this out a bit sooner eh?)

Thursday, Aug. 30
8:00 p.m. FOX “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”

Thursday, Sept. 6
9:00 p.m. FOX “Don’t Forget the Lyrics”

Saturday, Sept. 8
8:00 p.m. FOX “Cops”
8:30 p.m. FOX “Cops”
9:00 p.m. FOX “America’s Most Wanted: America Fights Back”

Sunday, Sept. 9
7:00 p.m. NBC “Football Night in America”
8:15 p.m. NBC “Sunday Night Football”

Tuesday, Sept. 11
8:00 p.m. NBC “The Biggest Loser”

Friday, Sept. 14
9:00 p.m. FOX “Nashville”

Monday, Sept. 17
8:00 p.m. FOX “Prison Break”
9:00 p.m. FOX “K-Ville”

Tuesday, Sept. 18
8:00 p.m. FOX “Beauty and the Geek”

Wednesday, Sept. 19
8:00 p.m. CBS “Kid Nation”
8:00 p.m. CW “America’s Next Top Model”
8:00 p.m. FOX “Back To You”
8:30 p.m. FOX “‘Til Death”
9:00 p.m. CW “Gossip Girl”
9:00 p.m. FOX “Kitchen Nightmares”

Thursday, Sept. 20
8:00 p.m. CBS “Survivor: China”

Sunday, Sept. 23
7:00 p.m. CBS “60 Minutes”
7:00 p.m. CW “CW Now”
7:30 p.m. CW “Online Nation”
8:00 p.m. FOX “The Simpsons”
8:30 p.m. FOX “King of the Hill”
9:00 p.m. CBS “Cold Case”
9:00 p.m. FOX “Family Guy”
10:00 p.m. CBS “Shark”

Monday, Sept. 24
8:00 p.m. ABC “Dancing with the Stars”
8:00 p.m. CBS “How I Met Your Mother”
8:00 p.m. NBC “Chuck”
8:30 p.m. CBS “The Big Bang Theory”
9:00 p.m. CBS “Two and a Half Men”
9:00 p.m. NBC “Heroes”
9:30 p.m. ABC “The Bachelor”
9:30 p.m. CBS “Rules of Engagement”
10:00 p.m. CBS “CSI: Miami”
10:00 p.m. NBC “Journeyman”

Tuesday, Sept. 25
8:00 p.m. ABC “Dancing with the Stars”(regular show, results show airs next day)
8:00 p.m. CBS “NCIS”
9:00 p.m. FOX “Bones”
9:00 p.m. CBS “The Unit”
9:00 p.m. CW “Reaper”
9:00 p.m. FOX “House”
9:30 p.m. ABC “Boston Legal”
9:30 p.m. NBC “The Singing Bee”
10:00 p.m. CBS “Cane”
10:00 p.m. NBC “Law & Order: SVU”

Wednesday, Sept. 26
8:00 p.m. ABC “Dancing with the Stars”
8:00 p.m. NBC “Deal or No Deal”
9:00 p.m. ABC “Private Practice”
9:00 p.m. CBS “Criminal Minds”
9:00 p.m. NBC “Bionic Woman”
10:00 p.m. ABC “Dirty Sexy Money”
10:00 p.m. CBS “CSI: NY”
10:00 p.m. NBC “Life”

Thursday, Sept. 27
8:00 p.m. ABC “Ugly Betty”
8:00 p.m. CW “Smallville”
8:00 p.m. NBC “My Name Is Earl”
9:00 p.m. CBS “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”
9:00 p.m. ABC “Grey’s Anatomy”
9:00 p.m. CW “One Tree Hill”
9:00 p.m. NBC “The Office”
10:00 p.m. CBS “Without a Trace”
10:00 p.m. ABC “Big Shots”

Friday, Sept. 28
8:00 p.m. CBS “Ghost Whisperer”
8:00 p.m. NBC “Deal or No Deal”
9:00 p.m. CBS “Moonlight”
9:00 p.m. NBC “Las Vegas”
10:00 p.m. CBS “Numb3rs”

Saturday, Sept. 29
10:00 p.m. CBS “48 Hours Mystery”

Sunday, Sept. 30
7:00 p.m. ABC “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”
9:00 p.m. ABC “Desperate Housewives”
9:30 p.m. FOX “American Dad” FOX
10:00 p.m. ABC “Brothers & Sisters”

Monday, Oct. 1
8:00 p.m. CW “Everybody Hates Chris”
8:30 p.m. CW “Aliens in America”
9:00 p.m. CW “Girlfriends”
9:30 p.m. CW “The Game”

Tuesday, Oct. 2
8:00 p.m. ABC “Cavemen”
8:30 p.m. ABC “Carpoolers”

Wednesday, Oct. 3
8:00 p.m. ABC “Pushing Daisies”

Thursday, Oct. 4
8:30 p.m. NBC “30 Rock”
9:00 p.m. CW “Supernatural”

Friday, Oct. 5
9:00 p.m. NBC “Friday Night Lights”

Sunday, Oct. 7
7:00 p.m. ABC “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
8:00 p.m. CW “Life Is Wild”

Friday, Oct. 12
8:00 p.m. ABC “20/20″
9:00 p.m. ABC “Women’s Murder Club”
10:00 p.m. ABC “Men in Trees”

Monday, Oct. 15
9:30 p.m. ABC “Samantha Who?”

Thursday, Oct. 18
10:00 p.m. CBS “Viva Laughlin”

Friday, Oct. 19
9:00 p.m. FOX “American Band”

Sunday, Oct. 21
8:00 p.m. CBS “Viva Laughlin”

Thursday, Oct. 25
9:30 p.m. NBC “Scrubs”

Tuesday, Nov. 27
10:00 p.m. ABC “Cashmere Mafia”

Disney’s kid-friendly High School Musical 2 – you guessed it, a musical set in high school – made television history on Friday night by smashing a number of TV viewing records:

Disney Channel’s highly anticipated “High School Musical 2″ danced its way to history Friday night when 17.24 million viewers tuned in, making the original movie’s debut the most-watched basic cable telecast of all time.

It also shattered the previous basic cable record for an entertainment program, surpassing the 12.5 million viewers who saw the 2001 premiere of the TNT Western “Crossfire Trail.”

Additionally, “Musical 2″ ranked as the most-watched TV telecast ever in kids 6-11 (6.1 million) as well as the most-watched entertainment telecast ever (and the second-highest-rated overall, behind only the 2004 Super Bowl) among tweens 9-14 (5.9 million).

Congrats to Disney. We haven’t seen it, we won’t see it, and we have nothing else to tell you about it. That is unless Vanessa Hudgens decides to go all Paris, release a sex tape, and give us some dirt to talk about. Which is highly unlikely and years off in any event.

If only Nathan Fillion could get that many people to tune in to any show he ever has on Fox. Then we’d still be enjoying Firefly and not have to stoop to watching the blah Heartland on TNT to get our Morena Baccarin fix.

Episode two starts out with Heidi and Captain Douche Spencer recapping the previous night’s showdown between Heidi and Lauren. Heidi still hasn’t figured out what Lauren’s issue is with her, and blames it on Lauren having issues with Spencer.

HEY DUMBASS, ANYONE WITH A BRAIN WOULD HAVE ISSUES WITH SPENCER

As Audrina primps for her date with Justin, we get a bit of background on the guy. He sounds like a real winner – while they were dating, they went to Las Vegas where he abandoned her. Hey, why wouldn’t she go on a date with the guy, right? Audrina assures Lauren that she’s only going on the date with him and then going out with the girls. By far the funniest part of this is that Lauren’s cat has a hilarious cat-sweater on. It’s pure comedy:

The episode just gets better. Spencer decides it would be a good idea to surprise Heidi with “some art”…

…but of course she isn’t down with having her living room look like a fucking frat house. She’s pretty pissed, but Spencer surprises her with a trip to Santa Barbara for the weekend.

Cut to Audrina’s date with Justin. THIS is Justin:

Are you kidding me? This guy looks like a cross between a French artist and Jude Law’s younger brother who the family disowned because he dressed like a French artist. Dude, grunge went out about 12-13 years ago. Audrina looks awesome, and without so much as hello they crack the wine and get at it. Monsieur Longhair can’t figure out the menu so he asks Audrina to order for him. Nice one, dude… you’re A-list material. He even lets her cut his steak for him… awesome.

Lauren and Lo are at home dissing the guy when Lauren drops the bomb that he’s trying to change his name to “Bobby” (since everyone calls him Bobby, duh) so they decide that he’s now “Justin Bobby”. (Read more on Justin Bobby here)

The second they get back, Lo starts ripping on Justin Bobby and he just kind of blows it off, all cool like. They head upstairs, and when they come down Audrina blows off Lauren and Lo to go out with Justin Bobby. Nice, considering she’s now given Justin Bobby the ticket meant for Lauren. Over breakfast Audrina tells Lauren that she’s going to give it a shot with Justin Bobby, and that she wants them all to hang out and get along. And folks, a new character is born. Welcome Justin Bobby!

The next scene is nothing short of awesome. Brody Jenner and Spencer driving along and BAM, Spencer tells Brody that he’s going to pop the question to Heidi at the beach house the next day. Brody basically laughs in his face, and at one point even calls him “homey”. These guys ham it up so much for the cameras that it’s worse than watching real actors. Either that or their script really sucks. Spencer even asks Brody to borrow his credit card to pay for the ring they’re going shopping for.

The guys head to ICE (which is the equivalent of friggin Claire’s) where Spencer picks out a ring that he makes out to be a massive diamond but actually ends up being an amethyst that’s worth a total of $2800. Brody even pays for the ring, and Spencer rips up the receipt to overdramatize it.

Heidi and Spencer head up to the beach house in Santa Barbara, while Lauren heads down to visit her mom in Laguna. They have one of those deep conversations – “LA is just a totally different place than the rest of the world” – and of course, we head back to see Douche propose to Heidi. He never actually asks, he just says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Of course, he has no idea what hand the ring goes on. NICE, DUMBASS. Then we have to sit through about three minutes of them both telling each other how awesome, amazing, loyal, loving, radical, sweet, funky, etc. they are.

All in all, a decent episode. I’m kinda glad they got the proposal out early so we can suffer through more of their engagement bliss bullshit for the rest of the season. Justin Bobby will be an entertaining new character to have around, especially since he’s so fucking emo. No Whitney this episode though… bummer.