The Hills Season Three Episode Three Review – “Truth and Time Tells All”

August 22, 2007 | Filed Under Audrina Patridge, Heidi Montag, Lauren Conrad, Spencer Pratt, The Hills

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Yep, we’re a day late on this but in this day and age… who’s tied down to watching TV when it’s actually ON TV?! Certainly not us!

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Episode three starts out with Audrina telling Lauren about her plans with Justin Bobby, and that she’s never really had a boyfriend because of her commitment issues. Wait, stop. Audrina has never had a real boyfriend?? Before she unceremoniously booted us off her Facebook friends there was NO SHORTAGE of dudes who wanted to hook that shit up. She’s definitely not hurting for choices!

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Lauren continues on with her sisterly nagging and while she’s trying to be the best friend she can, dishing out lines like “go with your gut but use your head” still sounds pretty condescending. LC herself has had her fair share of issues with guys and it’s clearly showing through.

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Heidi manages to make it about three feet past Elodie before she gets busted with her new engagement ring on her finger, and shares the story of her romantic beach getaway with Spencer the weekend before. Heidi of course isn’t even thinking marriage, and kind of comes across as liking the idea of being engaged, but not married. Elodie drops the “don’t buy a wedding dress anytime soon” bomb, which of course makes total sense.

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Then, for some strange reason, we’re treated to a few minutes of Brody and Spencer shopping, of all things. Spencer fills him in on how awesome it is to be engaged, with sweet quotes like “I used to think marriage was the dumbest thing for guys who couldn’t get laid” but “then you meet a girl like Heidi and it makes you realize you could spend your whole life with one girl and be happy”. Quite the about face there, dude.

Thankfully we don’t need to see them try anything on, they just leave with bags full of stuff.

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Lauren tells Whitney all about her third wheel plans for tonight with Audrina and Justin Bobby, but the pinnacle of this whole scene is getting to see Whitney, because she’s looking better and better with each episode.

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Heidi comes home to enjoy Spencer’s latest “gift” – a full-size Centipede arcade machine in their dining room. When Heidi suggests getting a table – “you know, to eat on, or something” – Spencer looks at her like she just poisoned his food. Nothing like living in a frat house, I suppose.

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Lauren shows up at Bella to meet Justin Bobby and Audrina on their three-way date. Justin’s sick, apparently from lazying around all day. Then we get to enjoy Justin acting like an idiot, Lauren’s mandatory I’m-so-uncomfortable-here scene, and Justin joking that he’s secretly after Lauren and trying to get to her through Audrina. Lauren manages to get sisterly one last time before the break, telling Justin Bobby to ride his motorbike safely with Audrina.

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FINALLY, we’re treated to a scene of nothing more than LC and Audrina laying around in bikinis. I can’t believe it took three episodes with the tans they have. Audrina spills that she’s kinda pissed that Justin Bobby was such a douche last night, which lights Lauren up that someone is finally heeding her advice about men. JB is quickly turning into the new Spencer, it seems. Audrina has no idea where she’s leaving things with Justin.

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Back at H&S’s apartment, it turns out that Spencer has now installed an Area 51 machine and also Lethal Enforcers. I bet this dude’s buddies are all over trying to come and hang here to play retro arcade games. Spencer finally caves and admits that they might need things like dishes and cutlery but won’t budge on not needing a dining room table. I mean who would? Not when the dining room looks like an arcade from 1992, anyway.

Heidi: We don’t really make decisions together!
Spencer: They’re not decisions, they’re surprises!

WTF?!

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cut to Pinkberry, which hasn’t really been around much yet this season. Lo and LC rap about the whole three-way-date, but what we’re noticing is that Lo looks great as well. All The Hills ladies are primping up for summer, and it shows.

Audrina decides to meet Justin Bobby after not calling him for a week, and puts the ultimatum down on him. Should she or shouldn’t she? His laissez faire attitude clearly penetrates her weak shields and she’s re-smitten before the scene is done. Wham, 2 minutes tops. This guy knows his bad boy / don’t care / etc. attitude game inside and out. Cue slow piano music.

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And finally for the scene we’ve all been waiting for; Heidi starts taking her half of her life back and paints over the ridiculous graffiti “mural” in their living room, which drives Spencer absolutely nuts at his loss of control. He’s so livid for the entire three minutes of the scene that he can barely speak. But, in true pussification style, the show ends with him finishing the paint job that Heidi started.

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All in, it was an okay episode, nothing great. It was nice to see Heidi grow a pair and enforce the fact that the two of them need to make decisions together, but of course it sucks that Audrina is still with Justin Bobby. And there wasn’t enough Whitney. Is there ever enough Whitney?!

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