Uncle Jesse Compares Himself to Knight Rider After Humping an Australian Vase

July 3, 2007 | Filed Under John Stamos

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john stamos is a retard

Seriously – John Stamos is NOT David Hasselhoff. In case you somehow had confused the two:

Stamos arrived in Australia on June 21, at the end of a whirlwind trip that included stops in New York and New Orleans, a vacation in Greece with his former Full House costar Bob Saget, a publicity stop in Japan, and a layover in Cairo before finally landing Down Under. �By the time I got to Australia my body was so out of whack,� Stamos tells TV Guide. He went to a Sydney strip club his first night there. �I couldn’t sleep, so I went by,� he says. �I stopped to sign autographs and I had a Guinness beer.�

A few days later he was still fighting jet lag so �I took a sleeping pill at 5 in the morning, Ambien,� he says. He was so disoriented when he did the newspaper interview, he says, �I did not know what continent I was on.� Still, because he couldn�t sleep, he continued to take Ambien, leading to the disastrous appearance on Mornings with KerriAnne.

One thing the 43-year-old Stamos wants to make clear is that he was not drunk. �I was not drinking. I did not drink either morning,� he says. �I do not have an alcohol problem. I am not David Hasselhoff. This is not a pattern.�

Stamos, who admits “it was a disaster,” says he�s learned his lesson from this episode. �Now I know that Ambien is an eight-hour sleeping pill so if you take it, you better get eight hours’ sleep,� he says. �Do not take it at 5 in the morning. I do not take it every night, only when traveling.”

Well, nice of you to call out The Hoff for drinking and eating hamburgers off the floor but that doesn’t really change the fact that YOU’RE A VASEFUCKER!! Come on Stamos, man up and admit you were shittered when you appeared on TV in Oz. No one really gives a shit anyway!

I tell you this much – the next time you see me on TV I’ll be with a gaggle of foreign hookers and more drugs than Paris Hilton’s medicine cabinet. Mark my words.

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