Celebrity Blogs: Roseanne trashes Barbara Walters; Courtney Love is insane

August 7, 2007 | Filed Under Courtney Love, Roseanne

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roseanne

It’s always fun to read celebrities’ blogs, even if they don’t write the things themselves. However, here are a couple of great posts by Roseanne and Courtney Love that are definitely worth a few laughs!

First, Roseanne, the uncontested queen of loose-meat sandwiches takes a complete shit on Barbara Walters. Why? Well because Roseanne is pissed at not getting that open spot on The View:

Barbara Walters is well over one hundred years old now. She is all head, like joan rivers. I am only at the pee in your pants stage of old ladyism, but look forward to having a huge head in the future. I have seven pigs on my farm and want to eat them! They hide in the grass and hump each other when they think I am not looking…I am getting a shotgun tomorrow, not for the piggies, but just to have, though I wonder if my past mental illnesses will make getting a gun tougher? I will shoot anyone who comes on my land, since I just put up gates that say “no trespassing… trespassers shot on sight”… I cannot wait to shoot someone if need be…right between the eyes. I am a damn good shot too! I once blew a quarter in two at one hundred feet! I need glasses these days to make sure the head wound will be fatal. I hate to see anyone suffer!

Simply awesome. Since Roseanne kicks ass, we’re on her side. She can whip us up some loose-meat sandwiches any day.

courtney love

Here’s Courtney Love from her MySpace blog, unedited. Try to make it through the entire thing without laughing:

i am NOT

getting any plastic surgery, iwas musing aloud with some private thoughts, there is no need for me to have any surgeries other than an medical emergency, i think i lost so much weight so fast that it affected my face , ive put on 10 pounds ( thank you Sprinkles cupcakes wic h i must admit are overrated) bad carbs and every ensure is 250 cALories, drinking 8 a day, tons of antioxidents and good stuff plus carbs GOOD casrbs and its made my cheeks and mouth not so sunken, maybe my goal weight was too much, at 510, i dunno it seemed a very healthy weight according to my dr ande me, drsssssss, ihave about 5 doctors, eveythingf rom my opb gyn to my addiction dr to the best longevity dr in probably the world, etc. this is in now way a response to alleged reports on blogs an dibn tabloids that im “too thin: National Enquirer put me on the cover i was told put me on the cover saying i was 115-! id be in the hsopital at 115! i do what is best for ME- not what people talk about no matter what i do im going to bw wrong fat ugly too much surgery ( when ive actually had hardly any) thesse accusations of things beyond my nose and mouth are simple bullshit, at least i own it, wich noone else does , so maybe i make a bad celebrity- this is not a “blog” that silly passing word, this is a post.

Thanks to Lily Allen for her lovely letter apologising fo rhaving had her My SPace broken into, i wouldnt pick on me if i was Miss Lily, as it wouldnt take TOO much to swat, but weve known each other far too long , like each other far toomuch and if she was gonna say something nasty she ha sthe acerbic wit and intelligence to say something cutting, that would actually really hurt, not some cliched hoary old chestnut some obsessed blogger would say She tells me her My Space was broken into- even if i REALLY think she did blog it mindlessly some 8am after being upfar topo long for a young healthy woman i dont care and oi appreciate and accept her thougfulness for apologising for what was printed, if she is tellingthe truth and it really doesnt much matter- everyone slams everyone early inthier careers, Kim Gordan stillslams me, i mean how much more boring can you get>? () than Kim Gordan – slam!) does anyone care?.

Im friednly wih someone who has a popular gossip site- i thnk hes a very nice guy and hes been nothing but good to me even when he points out spooky shit in pictures- he told me that one of his postys aboput me some crtaqzed blogger spent ALL NIGHT changing names and faking different emmails just to say the same nonsense over and over and over again for hiundreds of posts- he does point out when i make a bad choice( a terriblle shade of lipstick i thought id try, not getting a blowout before going out cos i hate blowouts an dfacials and mani pedis and a,l that grooming shit – ireally despise it,wiuch is not what one daoes when going shopping one should at l;east be aware there will possibly be papparazzi. but o forget or dont care or somewher en between.

ilike it for a shoot ot a red carpet event cos its fun to play dress up and i love my wardrobe right now, im getting some wonderful gifts that FIT an dam totally utterly obsessed with the last Valentino Designed Valentino collection- it wont be cheap but this is by far th ebest Valentino collection for about a million years, and itsthe last,
it wont be cheap but some of the gowns are investments wich will last forever and not season dependent thia is a very important collection. And something id like or leave ot my daughter.and her children.

and gowns are not whats coming up for red carpet people willstart doing cocktail length, promise, monochromatioc gowns are so emmy . so safe so boring. there are opther avenues for chic and classic beauty, also obsessed with the Ninna Ricci line first one desinged by Olivier Theyskiens whom i love. i have six pieces from his first collection.sadly i had to sell on ebay most of my ROCHAS, because it was massive, wich is where me and my partner come in and are starting to get our line produced and into stores, they are each one of a kind made from victorian, teens twenties and thirties fantastical pieces an dnotions, each dress costs at least 2000 to make, it will be a few months before were done with these samples, and the woman who will buy them tend to in la be big breated and no fat and in NY a klittle bigger and not much bust and in europe hips ass and bust are all good, so Im excited since ive been designing since iwas a child as anyone who has my book knows, an dhave an extensive background in wardrobe those jobs at the wardrobe houses and on Mommy Dearest et al as asst wardrobe taught me alot about not only pattern cutting but about originality and not all pieces will be from antiques an d super serious vintage we have a source in Milan that gets us the best fabric s and notions- the fashion industry is way up.

The best part? THERE’S MORE! She seriously must have taken hours to sit down and write this thing, but heaven forbid she spell check or anything. Wow.

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